I FOUND IT!!!!!
I have LITERALLY been scouring fancams for the last week trying to find video of GD pointing at me during the concert. It’s here, in this video (and several others, but this is the best one), at 0:48, at the beginning of the first chorus.
The rest of the group sings “I’m so sorry but I love you~” and Jiyong points at me and smiles.
And now I remember it. I sang along to that first bit of the chorus and smiled back at him and we made eye contact for a split second and as soon as he went back upstage I asked Cam if it was okay for me to die. Lies was already one of my favorite Big Bang songs, and now that I realize THIS happened during a performance, I love it even more, more~ ahaha :3
I cannot believe that I finally found it, and I am so, SO happy that I did. Thank you to the girl who shot this video for filming that. (All of her info is in the description of the video. She has a tumblr — check it out!)
So, as promised, an update on my wall of stuff — which, by the way, is now officially full!!!
1: The important part of my sign that made Jiyong smile; wrapper from my chopsticks from Kang Suh; Jiyong photocard/Alive bookmark that came with my Alive album; my MetroCard from the weekend in the city; my GD card from the One of a Kind album that for some reason photographed perfectly black although it has the letters GD in metallic gold on the front. Also an angel drawing I did ages ago, part of a superlative award given to me by my yearbook advisors senior year (most likely to become an English teacher), and part of my calendar.
2: My return ticket from Newark to New York from after the show — no one came to check tickets on the way back; my ticket that proved I was VIP; my wristband allowing access to soundcheck and a place in line back into the venue for the show. Also the bottom part of my Korean flag, a section of my Kyuhyun fan from SMTown NYC last year, and the top part of a graduation card from my great grandmother.
3: The YG Global Audition card I picked up from the lobby at Kang Suh; two of the five photocard things Cam sent me back in May that I had yet to put up. Also part of one of my door decorations from college and the top part of an ELF sign.
4: The bottom section of my wall, which before today was pretty much empty; the only clear/inclusive photo of the Seungri banner I got in line. Also several business cards and packaging clippings, a postcard sent to me from Berlin by my good friend Katie, a note sent to me by Cam, a birthday card from Lily, and the bottom half of a photo of my cousin Ashley.
5: A copy of the setlist that was handed out before the show by fellow VIPs; the text from the Koryo side of my extremely ridiculously loud bag from the same store. Also a business card from an Etsy store and a note from an Amazon seller that I believe I bought BB cream from.
6: My VIP pass from the bags handed out to us before soundcheck; two more of the photocard things Cam sent me. Also a business card from Oakmont Bakery in Pittsburgh, PA, half of a drawing a friend did for me, and the bottom of Cam’s stationery that came with a package he sent me.
7: The last of Cam’s photocards; the front side of a coffee sleeve from the only coffee shop in my hometown, The Wired Rooster.
I can’t talk about this kind of stuff in person. I don’t know why. It just makes me uncomfortable. I feel like people will judge my desires or decisions. I feel like people will ask me a million questions that I won’t be able to answer, or at the very least won’t want to. (That seems to be how it always goes, anyway. My decisions always seem to be wrong regardless. I always get the runaround from my parents and my family about why I think this way or why I chose that way. I absolutely hate it. Let me live my own life and make my own mistakes and learn from them.)
For what will probably become a long-winded, over-dramatic post about my future…